The annual network Upfronts are practically here (NBC kicks things off May 11), which means the big networks will make huge decisions that will affect the rest of your life: by deciding what we'll get to watch on TV in the 2015-2016 season. Cancellations and renewals are just around the corner, and we're too nervous to even think about those right now, but the good news is that Upfronts also signal that final push in the birthing of new television shows. (One has already started.) The circle of TV life! But which television pilots should networks choose to populate their new schedule? It's a difficult decision for any stuffy network suit, but I'm here to point them in the right direction because I have can't-miss taste and know how to pick a winner. Below I've chosen 15 pilots that I'd like to see get made and thrown on next season's television schedule, and where available, created a state-of-the-art artist's interpretation of what the show might look like. As always, a few things before we begin: 1. I did not include shows that were already given straight-to-series orders, for obvious reasons. That includes series like NBC's Coach, CBS's Supergirl (which technically has a series commitment, but is almost a sure thing for the 2015-2016 season), and Fox's Scream Queens. 2. This is not a guide, it's a wish list. I'm going off of simple loglines, casting information, and showrunners, and that's it! It's kind of like picking a favorite song after someone describes a bunch of tunes to you, so the science is almost non-existent. As such, many of the ones I pick will end up being terrible and I will shame myself with months of self-flagellation in front of my Mario Lopez shrine. Case in point, last year, I picked Manhattan Love Story as a pilot I wanted to see as a series. My bad! We all have days. And now, the list, divided by genre: COMEDIES Dr. Ken (ABC) Genre: Chang-tastic medical multi-cam comedy Starring: Former real-life doctor Ken Jeong ( Community), Albert Tsai ( Trophy Wife's scene-stealing Bert), Dave Foley ( The Kids in the Hall), Suzy Nakamura ( Go On) What it's about in one sentence: Jeong plays a doctor, father, and husband, and isn't doing a great job being any of them. Why we want to see it: All you people who have Chang fatigue from Community should Google Map the nearest lake and go jump in it. I love the guy! And the opportunity to give Jeong a character with more dimensions should show off his underrated acting skills. Trust me, the guy can do more than shoot paintballs or dress up as a Drow elf. Why it might not make it: Oh, it's a multi-camera comedy? Hmmm. The power of Chang is best utilized in the single-camera format. Chevy (ABC) Genre: Last shot for an aging comedian single-camera comedy so his career isn't tarnished by recent meltdowns but instead a reflection of his once-greatness Starring: Chevy Chase (he was FLETCH!!!), Beverly D'Angelo (Chase's co-star in the Vacation movies) What it's about in one sentence: The lives of two baby boomers living selfishly in child-free retirement are totally effed-up when they have to raise their grandchildren. Why we want to see it: Okay, so the premise stinks. But Chevy Chase is still Chevy Chase, and apparently I have to remind some of you that that's a good thing because he can still do this. Why it might not make it: He's also still this Chevy Chase, which means everyone involved might quit the show instead of putting up with his difficult-to-work-with ass. The King of 7B (ABC) Genre: Single-camera U nbreakable Kimmy Schmidt 2: The Network Re-Do Starring: Craigy Ferguson (his first scripted project since leaving The Late Late Show), Carla Jiminez ( Last Man Standing), Kirby Howell-Baptiste, Marin Hinkle ( Two and a Half Men) What it's about in one sentence: An agoraphobic recluse sees the woman of his dreams move in next door, so he leaves his apartment for the first time in 20 years to woo her and discovers a whole new world (not "A Whole New World"). Why we want to see it: We've been without Craigyferg on our TVs since he left the late-night scene in December, so anything that allows us to hear his charming accent again is a plus. If done right, this is a comedy that can contain a lot of heart and silliness. Why it might not make it: Like all of ABC's comedies, there's really no place for ABC to put this since its Wednesday comedy block is already set with family comedies that aren't going anywhere. Instead, it'll end up on that Tuesday-night island, where fun shows go to die ( Happy Endings, Don't Trust the B----, Trophy Wife). Note to everyone: Don't get emotionally invested in new ABC comedies for a while. Superstore (NBC) Genre: The Wal-Mart of single-cam comedies Starring: America Ferrera ( Ugly Betty), Ben Feldman ( A to Z), Lauren Ash ( Super Fun Night), Colton Dunn ( MadTV), Mark McKinney ( The Kids in the Hall) What it's about in one sentence: It's a workplace comedy set in a big-box store, duh. Why we want to see it: Everyone knows the best parts of Chuck took place in the Buy More, so this is just like that minus the spy stuff. The ensemble cast already looks promising with Ferrera returning to TV and Feldman hopefully being someone other than a rom-com shmuck (or someone who cuts off their nipple and gives it as a gift). Why it might not make it: Wal-Mart lawyers could sue the show into oblivion because they control everything. Also, workplace comedies are ice cold right now. Angel From Hell (CBS) Genre: Touched By an Angel or Maybe a Crazy Person-ish comedy Starring: Jane Lynch ( Glee's Sue), Maggie Lawson ( Psych, Back In the Game), Kevin Pollack ( The Usual Suspects), Kyle Bornheimer (so many failed comedies) What it's about in one sentence: Lynch plays someone who claims to be a guardian angel to Lawson's character, but she might just be a lunatic; they become friends anyway! Why we want to see it: This smells a bit like Wilfred minus the doggy suit, but the neat mind-boggling "is she an angel?" concept is still strong enough to keep things interesting. Lawson deserves a break, and pairing her with the always great Lynch is what she needs to get over the hump and find a successful starring role. Why it might not make it: This is a relatively high concept by regular broadcast standards, so it must be like a foreign language to CBS. Existential questions of madness and faith might not play well with mainstream audiences who prefer to see everyone sit around a couch at the end of an episode. Also, that show title... pee yew! The Half of It (CBS) Genre: Post-divorce multi-camera comedy Starring: Jon Dore ( The Jon Dore Show), Andrea Anders ( Better Off Ted) What it's about in one sentence: Fresh off a divorce, a dad is stoked he gets to keep half of his stuff because it's more than he ever had when he was married! *chortle* Why we want to see it: In short, we really, really like Jon Dore. And we've missed Anders ever since Better Off Ted went off the air. Those are good enough reasons, right? Why it might not make it: The last few times CBS tried a comedy about recently divorced guys we ended up with the awful The Odd Couple and even more atrocious We Are Men. Also, hardly anyone except extremely cool people seem to know who Jon Dore is. Super Clyde (CBS) Genre: Superhero single-camera comedy do-over Starring: Charlie McDermott ( The Middle), Diane Guerrero ( Orange Is the New Black, Jane the Virgin), Mark Addy ( Game of Thrones' Robert Baratheon) What it's about in one sentence: A loser fast-food worker becomes a superhero. Why we want to see it: Yes, this is a repeat from 2013. CBS is giving Super Clyde a second chance after failing to develop it beyond the pilot phase a few years ago with Rupert Grint, Stephen Frye, and Tyler Labine starring. But we loved the concept, and CBS even released the pilot for all of us to see how stupid it was for not picking the pilot up. The 2015 version has the very talented McDermott at the lead, and it's about time for him to move on from The Middle. Why it might not make it: Well, it didn't make it before for some reason, so who's to say it will make it this time? Untitled Molyneux project (ABC) Genre: Baby Geniuses: the single-camera comedy Starring: Melanie Griffith, James Roday ( Psych), Raphael Alejandro ( Once Upon a Time), Katherine Reis ( Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt) What it's about in one sentence: A couple home schools their brood of kid geniuses, and finds out that raising kids with incredible IQs but little social skills poses its own challenges. Why we want to see it: Kids say the darndest things, especially when they hold a Master's degree by age 12. Television is unnecessarily loaded with precocious children, at least this show will have an excuse. Plus: James Roday! Why it might not make it: Shows about kids don't do too well because historically TV kids are awful. Casting will play a huge part in whether or not this is sellable. Next: The Dramas! DRAMAS (Continued from Page 1) Quantico (ABC) Genre: FBI thriller meets The Mole and then marries How to Get Away with Murder Starring: Priyanka Chopra (she's big in Bollywood), Aunjanue Ellis ( The Help), Dougray Scott ( Hemlock Grove), Tate Ellington ( The Mindy Project), Graham Rogers ( Revolution's Danny!) What it's about in one sentence: A gaggle of FBI recruits tough it out while training at Quantico in Virginia as flashbacks show off their individual secrets and flashforwards reveal that one of them is a sleeper terrorist responsible for one of the biggest attacks on American soil. Why we want to see it: It's like How to Get Away with Murder except with terrorists and the FBI! If you thought law school and murdering were tough... Why it might not make it: There isn't a lot of star power here for American audiences (but it could be Chopra's big shot at cracking fame Stateside). Otherwise, this sounds like a gimme for a series order. Endgame (NBC) Genre: Totally ridiculous action drama! Starring: Philip Winchester ( Strike Back), Wesley M'Fing Snipes (BLADE!), Charity Wakefield ( Wolf Hall). From John Davis and John Fox, the minds behind The Blacklist. What it's about in one sentence: All right, sit tight and get ready for this honking heap o' insanity: a secret conspiracy forces a Vegas-based security expert to perform "a series of heroic challenges" in order to save innocent lives. Why we want to see it: Because it sounds absolutely ludicrous. This could be the show we simultaneously make fun of and cheer for. Why it might not make it: There's no reason this shouldn't make it, as NBC will be stoked to get something else from The Blacklist guys, especially if it can tout Wesley Snipes' involvement. Sneaky Pete (CBS) Genre: Identity-thief-does-good drama Starring: Giovanni Ribisi ( Dads LOL), Marin Ireland ( Homeland), Margo Martindale ( Justified, The Americans), Libe Barer ( Parenthood), Peter Gerety ( The Wire) What it's about in one sentence: After taking the identity of his cellmate upon leaving prison, a con man helps his new "family"'s bail-bond business while under the watchful eye of his distrustful female "cousin" who also happens to be hot (ABC made sure to mention that she's attractive, as if she could be anything else). Why we want to see it: A solid cast (we've all forgiven Ribisi for Dads, right?) and a solid premise already make this interesting, but the real draw comes from the men behind the show. House and Battle Creek's David Shore is writing and producing Sneaky Pete along with a familiar name: Bryan Cranston. We suspect Cranston knows a thing or two about writing a show featuring a shifty man. Why it might not make it: The serialized-sounding nature of this series doesn't always fit the CBS mold, which is heavy on procedurals. This could be another one of those shows that would fit better on cable. Lucifer (Fox) Genre: Hellish police procedural Starring: Tom Ellis ( Rush), Lauren German ( Chicago Fire), Rachael Harris ( Suits) What it's about in one sentence: Bored with being the almighty leader of the hoary netherworld, the great cloven-hoofed one comes up top to Los Angeles to help the LAPD punish criminals. (Based on the comic by Neil Gaiman.) Why we want to see it: Gaiman's connection is the big draw here, and this sounds like it could be a fun take on a cop show. Also, we're Satanists. Why it might not make it: A similar thing was attempted with the comic Constantine, and that didn't go so well. The Kingmakers (ABC) Genre: How to Get Away With Enrolling in an Ivy League School Starring: Parminder Nagra ( The Blacklist), Adrian Pasdar ( Heroes), Kristin Bauer van Straten ( True Blood), Michael Trevino ( The Vampire Diaries) What it's about in one sentence: It's a mix of Revenge and How to Get Away With Murder, when a young man assumes a fake identity and enrolls at an elite college—and a secret privileged society that operates within it—to solve the mystery of his sister's death. Why we want to see it: There aren't enough secret societies on television, dammit! And by combining college life, murder, and an Illuminati-like group, ABC has the makings of another ridiculous twisty-turny series with some extra bite. The cast of familiar faces doesn't hurt either. Can't you see Pasdar as a smarmy leader of a secret society who sacrifices virgins and such? Why it might not make it: Is this series too packed? Probably. That's never stopped ABC before... but those had Shonda Rhimes attached. Cheerleader Death Squad (The CW) Genre: The best drama title of the year Starring: Alan Van Sprang ( Reign), Abbie Cobb ( Suburgatory), Gia Mantegna ( The Middle), Aylin Bayramoglu ( The Glee Project), Pepi Sonuga ( General Hospital) What it's about in one sentence: A disgraced CIA agent becomes a teacher in Washington D.C., where he trains his well-connected students to keep him abreast of what's happening in the spy world so he can work his way back into the agency. Why we want to see it: The CW making a spy show?!?!?!? YES PLEASE. Why it might not make it: There isn't a superhero or genre element in sight. Will The CW's audiences respond to espionage? Minority Report (Fox) Genre: The token drama reboot Starring: Stark Sands ( Inside Llewyn Davis), Meagan Goode ( Perception Discretion Deception), Daniel London ( Manhattan), Wilmer Valderrama ( Awake) What it's about in one sentence: Set 10 years after the movie upon which it's based, the Fox reboot follows a "precog"—a psychic used to help stop crime by seeing it before it happens—who has trouble with day-to-day life based on visions he has of the future. A run-in with a detective who is haunted by her past forms the buddy team that the drives the series. Okay that was two sentences. Why we want to see it: The movie was pretty rad, and its central concept of "precogs" has plenty of room left to explore. Keep on the lookout for Stark Sands, too, he's due for a breakout. Why it might not make it: We're getting some Almost Human vibes from this one, and that show never found its footing despite looking pretty. Well, which pilots are you excited to see?
